break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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