How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
