weddingsv make me drug and hornr
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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