Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize