are you so shy because you have an std?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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