covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
