How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
