can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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