WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
