he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
