Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
