You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
