I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
