I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
