Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
