I just pynch a tree in the face
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
