That's when you crack a 10am beer
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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