Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
