I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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