she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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