We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
