thus making me awesome and them whores
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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