Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
