dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
