i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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