Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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