got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
