He disabled his match.com account in front of me
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
