Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
