My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
