wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
