Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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