Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
