Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
