I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
