He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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