Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
