I'm eating all of the evidence.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
