Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
