when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize