The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
