butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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