Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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