my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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