As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
