i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
