I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
