there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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