Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i now understand why vodka
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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