this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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