my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
