the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Barsexuality is the new black.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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