just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
