We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
