Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
