i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
