He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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