see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize