We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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