My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
