I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
