Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
