i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize