She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
