I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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