this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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