dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
